"Waiting & Dating"x YouTube

Hey ya'll !

Did ya miss me? I'm sure by now you are use to my inconsistency , but  I promise I am trying!
Part of my absence is due to me finally starting my YouTube channel!!! And I have you all and this blog to thank for that. I've always wanted to share my journey, like I do here, and what better place to do it than on YouTube. I feel it its where I am supposed to be. It will be a vlog series called "Single In The City" chronicling my experiences dating and finding love as a 21st century virgin who plans to abstain until marriage. But don't worry, I will still be updating both my blogs with content :) I just wanted to keep you all up to speed, hence this short but simple post. I sure hope you all decide to tune into my vlog channel. I have another blog post just chilling in my drafts and as soon as I find the right words to finish it I will get that to you all. In the meantime and in between time, check me out here :)

-Taj

30 Day Challenge: I know, I know

So nine days into December I am confronted with the realization that I never finished my last post for the challenge last month. Gosh, I really need to get it together haha. Seriously. For the sake of finishing what I started here is the post, I totally understand if you don't care to read it haha, it is very late. Forgive me.


Day 30: Anything you want to post about ( So convenient ! )


So there's this guy . . .


This should probably go under my waiting and dating tags, but I am too afraid to speak too soon. It's taking everything in me not to blog about EVERYTHING. But I am afraid saying too much might somehow mess it up. I know that's a bit superstitious and normally that's not something I would allow to stop me ,but its the first time I've felt this way and I just can't risk it. I don't know guys, I'm scared. It's been quite a while since I've liked someone as much as I like this guy and we all know I've never dated before so all this is new to me. My friends are probably sick of hearing me blab on and on , but I've never been one to hold a secret and when I am passionate about something I want everyone to know. I just really don't want him to end up on the list of "Almost Doesn't Count's ." At this point that would really hurt me. But we will see. I'll try typing something up soon and hopefully I'll have the nerve to hit "Publish." We will see.


-Taj

30 Day Challenge: Day 28 & 29

Almost there guys!

Day 28: Do you wish for anything on 11:11 ? If so, what do you wish for ?

I actually don't, not really sure why not. Not too pressed to start either though. But if I did , I would wish to know a never ending love both romantic and maternal that would inspire my friends to want to know the same. I feel like out of all my friends I am the only surviving hopeless romantic; I guess hope comes easy when you always see a silver lining. I want my friends to believe that true love exists and not just in fairy tales and movie scripts. I want to be the reason my friends aren't afraid to fall, to love, again. I wouldn't mind being a lighthouse for my friends; a beacon of light that guides them back. Love is real. I'll never stop believing that.

Day 29: A picture of yourself

No particular reason why I chose this photo. Hey, it was on my flash drive and I love my hair , I need some blue back in my life.

-Taj

30 Day Challenge: Playing Catch Up

I am the queen of posting as a draft instead of actually publishing it ! So sorry, but I am going to get this through this challenge!

Day 25: Would you rather date someone plain with an amazing personality or someone beautiful with a plain personality .

Hands down, plain with an amazing personality . Honestly they could never be plain if I like their personality . As shallow as I can be at times , beauty isn't more important to me than someone who has a way about themselves . If you know me , you know that me and plain do not mix. At all.

Day 26: What are some things that make you warm and fuzzy? 

Unexpected gifts, long paragraphs written with love , hand written notes, people noticing the simple things, thinking about my future family , romantic movies , people who make me laugh , bonding with my mommy, being complimented , being shown attention , having reasons to smile. Love. 

Day 27: A picture of your handwriting .

Just a simple reminder to myself . 

-Taj

30 Day Challenge: Day 24

Day 24: Seven things you think about a lot

1.God , my faith in him , learning to trust him 

2. My future husband 

3. My future daughters 

4. Sex 

5. Whether I'll be alone and die a virgin

6. How I can make my passion a paycheck 

7. Moving to LA 

30 Day Challenge: Day 23

Day 23: A letter to someone, anyone

Dear Peyton, 

If you are reading this than God has answered a prayer I've prayed for practically all of my life . I've never wanted something so bad , than to be a mother and a wife . And the fact that God allowed you to be my daughter must mean both of those things are true. And I am forever indebted to Him. Your smile my priority , your heart mines to protect. The love I have for you can not be put into words . I could live a thousands years and never get enough of the love you show to me. I love you unconditionally. Mommy will never stop loving you and showing you just how beautiful you are . My first born, my prayer answered , you keep me believing in happy ever afters . And I won't stop until you get yours. Mommy loves you . 

Infinity x 2 ❤️ 

-Mommy 

30 Day Challenge : Day 22

Day 22: A picture of what you wore today 

Well today was my day off and I did absolutely nothing all day . It was beautiful. And something I haven't done in a longggg time. I got to watch a couple movies ( With This Ring , Friends With Benefits & Colombiana) and basically just lay around. I needed that. I say that to say , I didn't get dressed. And I also don't have a full length mirror in my possession to take a picture of my frumpy lounge wear. I have on a simple purple racer back tank that I wear to the gym and some ultra flowly and comfortable linen palazzo pants. My hair also looks like Mr. Heat Miser. You know, from "The Year Without Santa." Here's a picture to jog your memory. 

But bad hair day aside , in the words of the ever so talented Mr. Ice Cube, "Today was a good day." 

-Taj

30 Day Challenge: Day 21

Day 21: Turn on's & Turn offs

Turn On's

• Pretty teeth

• Good communication skills

• Clean appearance 

• Gentleman

• Honesty

• Artisitc ability

• Smells good

• Ambitious/ Driven 

• Spiritual Connection 

Turn offs 

• Smokers

• One word texters 

• Body odor

• Rude/ arrogance 

• Argumentative 

• No passion or goals

• Manipulative 

• All about sex

That's all I can really think of right off the top of my head . What about you all?

-Taj 

Late Night Honesty: Draft Three

I can always feel the fade to back coming . The fade back to reality . Conversations get shorter. Questions stop being asked . The spark dies , if there ever really was one to begin with. I don't know that there was. Maybe I wanted it to be. But wanting something doesn't make it real . And wishing for something doesn't mean it will come. It's like I can feel the exact moment where they lose interest; each time always different than the last. But it always stings. Like a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol on a freshly skinned knee; the intensity still shocks me. I don't think I'll ever get used to the redundancy of the continuous cycle of introductions and goodbyes . I can feel my heart hardening and my perspective closing . Guards are reforming . And I fear that "the one" will be met with this newfound resistance and uncertainty. Because everyone claims they're different but they're just a different kind of the same. My head hurts , my heart does too. The fade back never gets easier.

30 Day Challenge: Day 19 & 20

Day 19 : Top 5 places you've ever been 

Day 20: Concerts you've attended 

I promise I didn't forget to write ! Well not really haha. Day 19 has been sitting in my drafts just waiting for me to complete and good thing too because it kind of connects with my post for today so I'm glad I waited ! 

My Top 5 Places: ( in no particular order) 

1. Disney Land- I mean because, who doesn't love this place?!

2. California- Downtown LA (Apt Hunting) , The Bay Area ( BNV Competition), Hollywood ( Sight-seeing) . Just Cali period is awesome.

3. Kansas City , Missouri - Skills USA Competition in HS

4. Miami, Fl- Notably Wet Willies & Mangoes.  

5. The Caribbeans  / Wells Fargo Center - These two are placed together because they are tied and happen to have taken place at the same time. For my 22nd birthday I went to the Bahamas, Grand Turk & Jamaica on a carnival cruise. Now the Wells Fargo center by itself isn't much to talk about but seeing Beyoncé perform here on on my birthday is why it made it to my list! 

Concerts I've Attended :

Beyoncé !!! (2013)- Because , GOALS!

A Holiday Christmas Jam ( back when Pretty Ricky and Bow Wow were famous) (2000s??)

Trey Songz - In NYC (2) , AC & In Baltimore :) I think it's safe to say that I am a fan ! 

Is that really all the concerts I've been to or is my bad memory getting the best of me? Tisk, tisk. I'll update if I think of more :)

-Taj

30 Day Challenge: Day 18

Day 18: Name the TV show you are addicted to . 

Well I am a woman of many favorites but I just choose just one : Scorpion. 

Am I the only one who watches this show ?! Like none of my friends watch it and it gets a bit depressing not being able to converse about the crazy episodes with anyone . Thank God I have Davenport who is a listening ear , reluctantly I would suppose, to all things Scorpion. Besides I have a huge crush on the lead actor , Gabriel. Who happens to be paired with the leading actress. Dang you , Katherine McPhee! The show centers around super high IQ guy, Walter O'Brien ( real life dude) and his gang of super intelligent counterparts who pair together to solve government cases. Okay , that's a bad explanation, give me a break ha! I'm trying to type this out during break and the clock is ticking . But just give it a chance and I guarantee you  you will love it as much as I do ! 

If you do , let me know what you think!

-Taj

30 Day Challenge: Day 17

Day 17: What do you want to be when you get older?




A wife. A mother. A business owner. Successful . Happy.


I want to be the kind of woman who inspires her peers to never give up.
I want to be the BEST version of myself.
I want to be happy.
I want to be who God called me to be.
I want to be an older ME.


-Taj

30 Day Challenge : Day 16

Day 16: If the world were to end tomorrow , what would you do with your remaining time on earth?


Okay before I answer this question , I would like for us all to gather hands for a word of prayer.

God , our Father in Heaven & sweet , sweet son of Christ , please allow this question to be purely hypothetical for while our sister Nataja would love to meet you both, she also would like not to die as an unmarried virgin. Please. Amen.

 I would hug and kiss all of the family & friends I could get to, especially those who I am not in good terms with. And let them know that I love them. I would also be 100% sure that they know God and have accepted Jesus as their savior. Then I would makeout with ________ for the rest of my time on this earth. Because if I have to die a virgin , I would prefer to be closer to losing it then not . Haha. That's so horrible, right ? But it's true. Let's pray that I never have to worry about it!

30 Day Challenge: Day 15

Day 15: A photo of someone you fancy right now





Oh gosh, do I have to?

I can't I'm scared haha.

For fear of jinxing it , I'll just not and say I did.

Just know that there is someone

Or is there ?

30 Day Challenge: Day 14

Day 14: Provide pictures of 5 celebrity crushes . 

Now this list was limited to only the guys around my age range because otherwise I would NOT have been able to choose just five ( Matthew McConaughey & Denzel Washington would have topped that list) 

1. Ryan Gosling. This man has had my heart since his Noah days . It broke my heart when I found out he was with Eva and reproduced . I still love him. 

2. Columbus Short. This man embodies my "type." In fact, I'm sure he's the reason I have one. When he came into my life and my heart he was just DJ off of 'Stomp The Yard' and then again as Little Walter in 'Cadillac Records' and then more recently on Scandal. He's been going through a rough time dealing with life , addiction and his own demons but I truly pray that he gets better and back on track .

3. Michael B Jordan. I recently realized his gorgeousness in one of my fave movies "That Akward Moment." And now I can't keep my eyes off him. Uber excited for his new movie "Creed" coming out on Thanksgiving! He is one to watch.

4. Nate Parker. I remember this beautiful sculpted body being shown in a movie called 'Pride' and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Then again when I watched the awesome and inspiring film'The Great Debaters.' But it wasn't until he played Kaz in one of my top 5 favorite movies 'Beyond The Lights' was I able to truly appreciate the beauty that is this man. God took his time on this one. And I for one am glad he did.

5. Adam Rodriequez. Is he not gorgeous ?! From Tyler Perry's 'I Can Do Bad All By Myself' movie to Empire tv show this man does it all. But I have to say his character in both the Magic Mike films is what got my eyes seeing hearts!

What about you ladies & gents ? Who are your celebrity crushes ?

30 Day Challenge: Day 13

I'm horribly tired and just got in like 20 mins ago. I hosted my bestfriends baby shower and I'm just now getting home after going out to dinner with friends. My eyelids are so heavy I'm squinching to see the screen but I'm determined to get my blogpost in for today ,albeit late. 

Day 13: Three confessions of your choice 

1. I have an irrational fear that I am infertile

2. Within a few moments (maybe I'm exaggerating ) of meeting a guy I like I've already envisioned our future kids and baby names . I do not have the ability to simply live in the moment. And I hate it .

3. I've lost my faith in God. Not all of it , but enough to scare me.

-Taj

30 Day Challenge: Day Twelve

Day Twelve: Screenshot your desktop

Seeing as though I don't own my own computer right now, I am currently using the library's public computer. Safe to say we all know what their plain desktops look like. So I'll do you one better and show you my new phone lock-screen, I think you'll find it pretty funny!

30 Day Challenge: Day Nine - Eleven

I know, I know. Me and consistency just don't seem to mix. But , I won't let that be the reason I don't finish out this challenge . So bear with me as I play a little catch up!

Day Nine: Pet Peeves

I actually started this blog post and didn't realize that I hadn't posted it. Sorry!

1. Flaky people. I know sometimes life happens, but if it's a continuous thing , it boils my blood. I am the least flakiest person so if I come thru , I need the same.

2. Men who always find a way to ease sex into conversations especially in the beginning stages. Huge turn-off.

3. Non-supportive friends. I mean , are they really your friend any way?

4. I hate to be cut off, silenced, not heard. Just don't do it. Seriously.

5. People who aren't who they say are

Day Ten: If you could live off of only one food/beverage for the rest of your days what would it be?

Before I started this new healthy lifestyle , I would have said french fries and sprite. But for the sake of my health and eating better I would say French Fries and Water , Haha. Gotta have my fries, sorry.

Day Eleven: What is your favorite quote?

"But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most . . ." - Mark Twain

Deep. Spoke to parts of me that had never been awoken. What do you guys think about this ?

-Taj

30 Day Challenge: Day Eight

Day Eight: Three things you want to say to different people


I contemplated for a minute what I would say and who I would say it to. There's a lot in this brain of mine. For a moment I thought about the hurt , the abandonment, the pain and wanted to talk to the people who hurt me. But that would just give the past a voice . It would allow the wounds to fester and never heal. It would prove that maybe their right about me still holding on to the bitterness and the hurt. So instead I've chosen instead to speak life rather than give rise to the dead. I've chosen to encourage and uplift rather than point blame and talk about hurt feelings. I've made a conscious decision to love those who are in my life because they want to be , including myself. And I've made the decision to trust God even with the people he hasn't brought in my life. I'm declaring this is my turning point. All I have to do is walk in it. Here I go.


Person #1: Ari ,
1.  You are a superstar
2. Greatness is destined for your life
3. I am here to push, drag and pull you across the finish line. I love you enough to see in you what you don't


Person #2: Davenport


1. You inspire me
2. You challenge me to be a better person
3. My life is better now that you are in it


Person#3: My Future Husband


1. I'll never love another human being the way I love you
2. I promise to wait for you
3. Let's make some babies

30 Day Challenge: Day Seven

Day Seven: Do you read? What are your favorite books?


How funny is it that both my blogs writing challenge for today is about books? Maybe that's the confirmation I needed to re-start my book club :) And don't worry , I won't copy and paste my other post here! For all those who read both my blogs, I love you all enough to give you different content:)


Do I read? Of course I do! Love it! Now do I have enough time in a day to read as much as I would like ? No, of course not. That would be too much like right ha-ha. But reading takes me to places I otherwise wouldn't be able to go. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I am a sucker for a good love story , but I seriously will read any good story regardless of genre. I'll give you all my Top Ten (for right now) , in no particular order.


1. The Fault In Our Stars by John Green (TEARJERKER)
2.  Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James(My Inner Spirit Woman recommends it )
3. Detoured Destiny by Jessica Davenport ( So Inspiring!)
4.  A White Romance by Virginia Hamilton ( A bit of my Jungle Fever was born from this book)
5. The Bible ( because WORD)
6. The Entire Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyers ( yes I'm THAT girl)
7. GirlBoss by Sophia Amoruso( Yes Sophia! 
8. The Good Woman by Danielle Steel (True example of the strength women possess)
9. A Child Call It by David Pelzer (Sheesh, you just have to read it )
10. I cannot for the life of me think of this title so I'm going to leave this in its space until I figure it out.  

Like I said , this is just for now and I'm sure it'll change once I get back to reading like I really would like to . There are a few that probably won't change, but I guess I'll have to find out ! 

-Taj

30 Day Challenge: Day Six

Day Six: What band or musician is most important to you ?


It didn't take me long to figure this one out; pretty much a no-brainer. Now this artist is not as mainstream so most of you might not know who she is, but I am hoping to soon help her change that. I have the pleasure to personally know an amazing singer and songwriter by the name of Ari Leticia. Right now she is in the process of really getting back into singing and building her fan base. Her voice is truly something you don't hear on radio and honestly what is missing from R&B music. I like to call her a superstar, because she is , just without the fame. She has a way of transporting you when she sings and it's some kind of magical. She is a local artist based right here in Delaware and more than anything I know she deserves for her voice to be heard all over the globe. But more than having a beautiful voice , she has a heart to match. With just enough insecurity to still remain humble, her dedication to her craft is equally matched to what she shows to her friends. And I am honored and blessed to call her friend, to call her my little sister. She's important to me because she's family & because her gift inspires me to be the best version of myself. She'll never have a clue of just how much she inspires me , with her voice; it's magic really. I could write a book on why I love this girl and why she's so awesome , but I'd much rather show you! Take a minute or two out of your time and listen to her music and I guarantee you will just as strongly as I do about her talent. Support a local artist today, they could be one of tomorrow's Top 10 Billboard Artist!




Ari Leticia, I love you girl.

New Single "Love Lost" on Soundcloud :
https://soundcloud.com/ari_leticiamusic/love-lost


Ari Leticia Official Cover of Hotline Bling & Photograph:
https://youtu.be/lCeZmvM_MGM

30 Day Challenge: Day Five

For any of you who follow my other blog , www.justtalkilllisten.wordpress.com, you'll know that I am actually one day behind on this challenge, but that's ok, as long as I'm writing all is good in the world!

Day Five: 5 places you want to visit



1. Brazil- I had to do a project on Brazil in my nursing class in high school ( can you believe that was 6 years ago?!) and ever since then I have been in love with the culture. This is seriously on my bucket list !

 

 

 

2. Greece- Anyone who really knows me , knows that I am in love with Greek Mythology. If you read enough, and pay close attention, it has a lot of the same themes found in modern day religions. It's truly an interesting to read! I would love to someday visit Athens and see the ruins of Mount Olympus. I'll get there one day.

3. Eiffel Tower- I mean its Paris , who doesn't ? It's such an iconic landmark and totally one of those places you visit just to say you been there. Besides, wouldn't it be a lovely backdrop for a honeymoon picture , ha-ha. Wishful thinking!

4. Disney Land- Not to be confused with the infamous Disney World in Orlando, FL; I've been there about 4 times. Call me a big kid, and you'd be right, but this has always been a dream of mine. For any of my fellow Disney Channel watchers you all can remember seeing all the rides during the commercial breaks and wanting to go there. With wanting to relocate to California in the coming weeks, maybe this dream will come true sooner than I think!

5. Vegas- It's pretty much self-explanatory. Another one of those places you HAVE to go ,just to say you've been. T-minus 261 Days, 9 hours, 11 minutes & 37 secs until my 25th birthday when me and Vegas finally get to say hello to each other. Cant waitttt.

What about you all? Anything I'm missing on my list? Let me know!

-Taj

30 Day Challenge: Day Four

Day Four: The meaning behind your tumblr name 

It is at this moment that I realized this challenge was suppose to be for my Tumblr page , but oh well haha.

My Tumblr name is Floetically Fluent and it simply means that I'm fluid in my poetry and very well versed in flobonics.

-Taj

30 Day Challenge: Day Three

Day Three: Your day , in great detail.




Get ready to be bored senseless, but here it goes !


Today is my day off so I didn't wake up until 12pm , excluding the brief moment I was awaken at 730am by my dad telling me to put my spare tire in the car. I awoke to a beautiful encouraging and very much needed text message by my coworker and friend , who happens to be the #1 fan of this blog.  She had just read my blog post from early this morning and wanted to give me some advice! Love her. Once fully awoke, and after texting her back,  I used the bathroom like I do everyday and while on the porcelain phone I checked my Facebook, Wordpress & Instagram notifications. After that I returned to the back porch of my dads house where I've been sleeping for the last few days and turned on the TV after remembering that I had only gotten half way through last weeks Empire episode. I got through about 15 minutes of the show before remembering that I really wanted to see the new movie "Jem and the Holograms" today before it went out of the theaters ( it didn't do very well at the box office.) I looked at my phone to check movie times and the closest time was 12:55 and it was 12:56 when I looked. I decided to bite the bullet and go any way , I chose Regal People Plaza theater because it wasn't too far from me, and I hoped that the 15 minutes of trailers would give me some time. Plus my friend gave me a free movie ticket that could only be redeemed at Regal Theaters so it was an easy choice. I got there a little after 1:15 and I had missed a bit of the beginning, but that didn't deter me at all from loving every bit of the rest of the movie. I left the theater wishing that I had watched the famous 80's show that it was based off of , but being a 90s baby kind of took that chance away. I loved the film and would totally recommend it to fellow dreamers , hopeless romantics & anyone wanting to follow their hearts. After leaving the movies I stopped at the Shell gas station to get gas and from there went to the library which is also my current locationI am now updating all my blogs due to my participating in these 30 day writing challenges.. I updated my Wordpress blog first , worked on my artist's YouTube header and then headed to Blogger where I caught up on Holly's Stilettos With My Latte blog!  I am right now, 5:21 pm, listening to Beyoncé- "Still In Love" and concluding this blog post. Today has been uneventful , but good all the same. Heading to BWW for dinner, in an hour or so, with my friend/artist and from there going to the studio to lay down vocals for her next single! Ari Leticia is going to be the next big R&B/Pop crossover artist and I want you all to be along with her for that journey. Well that's all for now! If you actually read this entire thing , you the real MVP.


-Taj

Late Night Honesty: Draft Two

There's this guy I met a few weeks back that made me this proposition , one I immediately declined, but one I am now reconsidering . He was everything I knew I didn't need and it made me want him even more . The temptation , the wanting it's all very new to me . Operating in the flesh is so very new to me . I'm so use to having this super disciplined guard that I was able to put up without effort and now I feel like it's giving in. I know that waiting is what I want to do , what I need to do , but I can't help but to wonder . Curiosity is going to be the death of me .

He wants to just "play around."

It sounds ludicrous , ridiculous & absurd and yet exactly what my body has been wanting . I fight the urge to text him and tell him to come get me . Take me somewhere I've never been , do something I've never done. I can be the girl who just has fun , right? It's just fun .. What's the harm ? I know the dangers , the consequences and for once I don't give a damn. It could be the 1:40am that's getting to me . It could be the 24 years of waiting . I just want to feel something. Just once. I want to be held so tight it takes away the pain , be kissed so deep I forget my name . I don't want love . I want to be numb .

-Taj 

30 Day Challenge: Day Two

Day Two: 10 likes & dislikes 

In keeping with the theme of my blog , which is love and relationships I will try and cater all my answers for this challenge around that theme. 

Likes

1. Men who love God

2. Men who aren't afraid to let the world know they are in love and who they're in love with

3. Men who aren't afraid to be themselves 

4. Men who have standards 

5. Men who are honest about their intentions

6. Men that stay true to their word 

7. Men with perfect teeth ( That's a bit shallow , I know , forgive me haha)

8. Men who are open-minded and not afraid to try new things 

9. Men who have ambition , drive , passion, etc. 

10. Men who are able to hold a conversation not laced in sexual innuendo 

 

And I think it's safe to say that my dislikes are the opposite of my likes , so I won't bore you with those details! 

Now, is that really too much to ask for ? 

-Taj

30 Day Challenge VLog: "They Never Do"

I want to bring some more consistency to my blog and in an effort to do so, I've decided to do a 30 day writing challenge on both of my blogs! For today's post , I'm suppose to write 10 things about myself but instead I'm going to do you all one better and post a video of me performing a poem last night entitled " They Never Do." When I heard about this poetry event, Voices In Power, I knew that I wanted to write something new and personal. Something that spoke to where I am right now in my life and "They Never Do" is a perfect representation of that. I was a bit reluctant to post this video because with the poem being newly written I did mess up a little bit , but I chalked it up to being human and have decided to post it any way. I pray you all receive it that way my heart gave it.


Have to give a huge shout out to my friend , the beautiful and talented Ms. Ari Leticia, who helped to make this piece one of my favorites :)


-Taj

Late Night Honesty : Draft One

If I'm being honest ...

Most days I feel like I'm going to die a virgin. And I feel horrible because that means that I don't trust that God will give me the desires of my heart. That he will bring the man that he has destined for me . 

If I'm being honest ... 

I don't see a world where I'm not a mother and a wife. I can't see it . I don't want to. More than anything , more than having fame and recognition , more than the world knowing my name all I really want is to come home to kids who scream "mommy" at the top of their lungs all day and a husband who doesn't know how to put down the toilet seat, but knows exactly what to do to make it up to me. I want a family. And I don't want to live in a  world where that doesn't exist. 

If I'm being honest ...

I'm crying as I type this , because I'm scared out of my mind that it won't happen. Scared that I'm not enough. That I'm too much. That this is all it will ever be. 

Please God, don't let this be all it will ever be. 

-Taj

"Waiting & Dating: When Will It End? "

Am I the only one fed up with inane banter and pointless conversations?

Repetitious introductions and reliving past love complications 

All in the name of getting to know someone 

Who may or may not be the one you spend the rest of your life with? 

I mean, am I the only one, tired of falling for bullshit? 

Tired of falling .

Just tired. 

#QuotesFromFlo

"I always fall for the nice guy , who was just being nice" - A woman who still doesn't know the difference 

Confession Time: Wanna Make God Laugh?

You wanna hear something funny ?

Last year around this , a few months before my 23rd birthday , I decided that I wouldn't wait any longer than 23. I got to the point where I was tired of being the only one "not doing" and I basically gave God my deadline requirement! In retrospect , I realize how much of a slap in the face that was and also how downright ridiculous I sounded . As if giving God an ultimatum would some how make him move faster. Funny, right ? I was lost and feeling like I could do better than God could and really just testing my faith and his grace. When I said it I knew I could never really go through with anything , face it , I've waited this long . But some part of me wanted to believe I could and that's the part that messed me up . I was that ready to give up on God , someone who has never failed me all in the name of being like "everyone else." That was nothing but flesh talking and I am happy to say that I am nearing my 24th birthday and I more willing to wait than I have ever been. I know God got me.

#QuotesFromFlo

"They're all different , until they're all the same" - A woman tired of the lies

Much Needed Reminder

Lately I've been struggling with my decision to wait and like always God comes through and sends a reminder of why I feel the way I do . Things like this keep me going when I don't quite feel like it. So thank God for TimeHop. 

Note To Self:Entry 2

So you were wrong about that guy, and the guy before that and the guy before that. You are always wrong. Never enough. Always too much. It's frustrating, it's heartbreaking, its . . . too much. It always starts out great ; good conversation and seemingly pure intentions. But at some point the façade always fades and the truth makes a liar out of you. Some stick it out longer than others , giving you the hope that maybe just maybe, but then time makes a liar out of you. And its always the same, never a good bye , just a fade back to reality. To the reality that time, loyalty and love mean nothing if sex doesn't come with it. Your company , your presence are not adequate enough to hold a man's attention. That is frustrating, that is heartbreaking that is . . . too much.
But, you're not "holding out" to prove a point or to exert some kind of power over men , you're waiting because sex means more to you than temporary relationships and everlasting soul ties. You're waiting because sex is just as sacred to you as marriage and you would like to experience the two together. You're waiting because you want to stand before your husband on your wedding day knowing that he and only he will have a part of you that no man has ever or will ever have. That he will know depths of you that no man has ever known. That your mind, heart & body is entrusted in the hands of a man who stood before God and declared that he promised to protect it. And maybe to some people you're thinking is outdated or religious or downright illogical; maybe they're right. But faith is defined as : "... the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen". You believe in a God that you can't see so why is it so wrong to believe in a love you've never felt, from a man you've never met. Crazier things have happened. I know you're frustrated. I know you're heartbroken. And I know at times it can be . . . too much . But your prayer has been heard and your wait is not for naught. The same faith that has gotten you this far , will guide you down the isle. You've waited. Now wait just a while longer.


-Taj