The Ones Who Stay

We break and we bend
We stretch our skin to be more
To be enough
But it never is
We seek closure behind closed doors
and closed off hearts
We adore you when you ignore us
We always love more , give more
than we get
And oh how quickly
and easily you forget
We stay and we rationalize
We breathe pain and exhale cries
We eat your broken promises for breakfast
Taste your infidelity for dinner
And still can stomach fixing your plate
Yeah the sorrys they come
But they're always too late
They always feel empty
This house feels cold
We laugh like it's funny
But the jokes getting old
The days are getting long
And love is starting to feel
a hell of lot like playing the fool
Because , I mean, if you really love him
Won't you ?
Don't we ?
We break and we bend
We stretch our skin to be more
But what happens when we have nothing left to give,
nothing left to say ?
Do you really wanna know
what it feels like to lose
The Ones Who Stay?

-Nataja Zanelle

Late Night Honesty: Draft Four

I am unable to let people go.

You can hurt me and I'll still find a reason to keep you around. I'll make excuses for you and lie to myself just to justify my inability to cut ties. I say I am the girl who leaves before she's left, but really that isn't true. No matter how much I might want it to be because apart of me will still hold on to them. I give of myself , I give freely and without hesitation never stopping to think whether they deserve me. Whether they will stick around long enough to care. (They never do.) I'm just fed up with being the girl who gets the "I'm sorrys", but never the "I'll change." The girl who puts in the effort , but gets nothing in return. The girl who lets things slide for the sake of keeping the peace. I'm tired of the constant disappointment. Tired of the utter disregard for my feelings.

I am unable to let people go.

Even when I know that I should; it hurts like hell.

-Taj

30 Day Challenge VLog: "They Never Do"

I want to bring some more consistency to my blog and in an effort to do so, I've decided to do a 30 day writing challenge on both of my blogs! For today's post , I'm suppose to write 10 things about myself but instead I'm going to do you all one better and post a video of me performing a poem last night entitled " They Never Do." When I heard about this poetry event, Voices In Power, I knew that I wanted to write something new and personal. Something that spoke to where I am right now in my life and "They Never Do" is a perfect representation of that. I was a bit reluctant to post this video because with the poem being newly written I did mess up a little bit , but I chalked it up to being human and have decided to post it any way. I pray you all receive it that way my heart gave it.


Have to give a huge shout out to my friend , the beautiful and talented Ms. Ari Leticia, who helped to make this piece one of my favorites :)


-Taj

Late Night Honesty : Draft One

If I'm being honest ...

Most days I feel like I'm going to die a virgin. And I feel horrible because that means that I don't trust that God will give me the desires of my heart. That he will bring the man that he has destined for me . 

If I'm being honest ... 

I don't see a world where I'm not a mother and a wife. I can't see it . I don't want to. More than anything , more than having fame and recognition , more than the world knowing my name all I really want is to come home to kids who scream "mommy" at the top of their lungs all day and a husband who doesn't know how to put down the toilet seat, but knows exactly what to do to make it up to me. I want a family. And I don't want to live in a  world where that doesn't exist. 

If I'm being honest ...

I'm crying as I type this , because I'm scared out of my mind that it won't happen. Scared that I'm not enough. That I'm too much. That this is all it will ever be. 

Please God, don't let this be all it will ever be. 

-Taj