The Ones Who Stay

We break and we bend
We stretch our skin to be more
To be enough
But it never is
We seek closure behind closed doors
and closed off hearts
We adore you when you ignore us
We always love more , give more
than we get
And oh how quickly
and easily you forget
We stay and we rationalize
We breathe pain and exhale cries
We eat your broken promises for breakfast
Taste your infidelity for dinner
And still can stomach fixing your plate
Yeah the sorrys they come
But they're always too late
They always feel empty
This house feels cold
We laugh like it's funny
But the jokes getting old
The days are getting long
And love is starting to feel
a hell of lot like playing the fool
Because , I mean, if you really love him
Won't you ?
Don't we ?
We break and we bend
We stretch our skin to be more
But what happens when we have nothing left to give,
nothing left to say ?
Do you really wanna know
what it feels like to lose
The Ones Who Stay?

-Nataja Zanelle

Poem of the week: " The Fix"

He was a collector of broken things

So there was no surprise when he chose me

In my reflection he saw a glimpse of himself

Thinking he might heal if he fixed me

I was blinded by love, but that's not why he picked me

He was trying to soothe his ego

Breaking my heart to make him whole

He was selfish , but I stayed

But that wasn't without consequence

My heart paid the price for being complacent

in a situation that was unhealthy

I'm sure he thought he loved me

But really , he loved that I was more broken

Heart still open

A reminder that there is always someone worst off

You can't fix you by breaking me

Or at least, that's what I thought.

-Taj

Poem of the Week : "Fall In"

I look for you in crowds
even when I know you're no where around
Your face has been ingrained in each and every single day dream
Since the day that I met you
I just can't seem to shake you
It's frustrating
This building unwarranted anticipation
Just to knowingly climax into disappointment
It's like I have a standing appointment with rejection
 I try to convince my reflection
That you're not out of my league
But the friend-zone was built on the backs of girls like me
Who am I fooling?
Sitting here thinking bout you
What am I doing?
Other than losing my sanity
Over a man who didn't choose me
Yet here I am searching for your face
everywhere that I go
My mind pleading, " Taj, let him go"
But my heart always wins
Why does this keep happening
I thought only fools fall in ?
-Taj

Confession Time: Weak Hearts

I only cry at night . Once I remove the mask of the day ; it's hard to pretend. I guess when you're always the strong one , no one bothers asking if you're okay. I'm so tired of being so easy to walk away from . So easy to be unattached , uninvolved and uninterested to and in. My guards don't work and my heart stays open no matter how broken it becomes. I use to be stronger than this , getting over people never took as long as this . I try holding on to this idea that maybe , some day , I'll know the kind of love that people sing about . I've since stopped holding my breath . I keep thinking that there's something left , a glimmer of hope. But no . Where do weakened hearts go? To break . Here's mine , go ahead , take it. I don't need it .

"Waiting & Dating:" With A Side of More Waiting!

New city. New job. New attitude. Same relationship status. *cue the violins*

Seriously , is some good ole fashioned male company too much to ask for ? Is that really wishful thinking?
I feel like the older I get the more I feel like I am missing out on something, but am I really? I , only but recently, jumped into the dating scene and already I've grown tired of the games. It would be so refreshing to meet a man who is who he says he is and keeps his word; that is a foreign concept in 2016. Don't get me wrong, 24 years of being single has been nice and has given me plenty of time to work on me with much improvement still needed, but it's no longer what I want to be. I didn't move to LA for love, but I'd at least like to find someone I "like." Someone to explore this new city with; get acclimated to being around and enjoying someone else's company. I am doing my best to open up more , be more social and it's had a positive affect , in every area of my life besides my love life. Go figure. As traditional at heart as I am, I have even branched out on to dating sites , against my better judgement. Close, but no cigar there. I like to think that I give a completely new meaning to the term " hopeless romantic." But I am yet holding on to the idea that one day I will finally be the exception and no longer the rule ( shout out to all my fellow "He's Just NOT that Into You" fans.) I try not to push the issue and I am sure my friends are tired of hearing seeing me sulk about being lonely and alone, but enough is enough. Right now I am going full force with this self-branding and promoting and it is paying off, my only wish is that I had some to share this success with. One date . That's all I am asking for. I am simply throwing it out into the universe and hoping someone hears me. Romance is not dead, we have just simply, exhausted the possibilities. (That's for all my "Love Jones" fans.) And I , Nataja Zanelle , queen of habitual singleness, would love to change that.

-Taj