Confession Time: Maybe I Should Call

"I like him , I like him , I like him , I like him , I like himmm

          Maybe I should call 

          Maybe I should call

I like him , I like him , I like him , I like him , I like himmm
But I never call
Maybe that's my flaw"
-K Michelle (w/ a bit of a change)

But honestly even if  I called , what would I say ? I have no clue , so I assume .  I can't make you feel what you don't . And the only person who ends up hurt , is me. And I've been broken long enough to know that it's not worth it . Feeling like you deserve someone is a hurting I wouldn't wish on even an enemy. I'm so tired of being the one to fall . Tired of being the one who gets caught up. I'm still learning the difference betweem a nice guy and guy who's just being nice. Forgive me . A few moments to you can last a lifetime in this twisted mind of mine. I am a tragic masochist ; I'll always want what I can't have . Call it human nature . I'm sorry . One day I'll learn.

-Taj

Lovers Anonymous: Fourth Meeting

"Hello my name is Nataja Wells and I am a recovering hopeless romantic"

Here I am again. At the cusp of head over heels ; seemingly by myself. But what's new? Falling is my expertise. Getting wrapped up and allowing my mind to call it something it's not.  I am the queen of reading between undrawn lines. Too scared to ask for what I want. Afraid of never being wanted. There's this constant cycle that just won't stop repeating. I fall, then they leave me. I fall way too easily. My heart strings mirror that of puppets' and they just keep on pulling. Is there a cure? A remedy? Something to make me, less me? Silence begets assumption. And I'll always assume the worse. It's my therapy. Underplay , overestimate. I remember now why I don't like being held. I don't to want to want you, your warmth, your arms around me. There's disappointment lurking in the background. The only constant thing in my life. The only thing I know for sure, is that you'll leave. So don't touch me. Again. I don't need that kind of attachment, I'll do that all on my own.

-Taj

Lovers Anonymous : First Meeting

Hello my name is Nataja Wells and I am a recovering hopeless romantic. 

My first relapse was a few months back. There was this guy that I met while out with some friends at a local bar. I know what you guys are thinking ," a bar?", but I think we can all agree that this is quite unusual for me. I normally don't pick guys up when I'm out partying. You see, I'm the quiet reserved girl standing at the edge of the bar with a Long Island in one hand and my cellphone in the other paying no one any attention; my face is borderline indifferent with a twinge of "I wish you would." Simply put, I'm not normally the first one to get approached when we are out. The sad part is my facial displacement does my personality no justice because honestly once you get the past the external layer I'm a pretty cool person , or at least I would like to think so. Okay so back to the guy. He was different , in a good way. Not someone I would normally go after , but after careful observation definitely an altered version of my "type". The first thing I noticed about him , or any guy for that matter , was his smile . I can still picture it even now as I tell you guys this story. That sealed the deal for me ; I am a sucker for a guy with a beautiful smile. And the moment he opened his mouth to speak , I was hooked. I mean he didn't say anything too deep or extremely interesting but his presence was enough to captivate me . Not to mention he had the deepest set eyes I've seen since Omar Epps in Love & Basketball. I lie to you not , I could not look away. And in that moment I knew, I was royally screwed.