Late Night Honesty: Draft Two

There's this guy I met a few weeks back that made me this proposition , one I immediately declined, but one I am now reconsidering . He was everything I knew I didn't need and it made me want him even more . The temptation , the wanting it's all very new to me . Operating in the flesh is so very new to me . I'm so use to having this super disciplined guard that I was able to put up without effort and now I feel like it's giving in. I know that waiting is what I want to do , what I need to do , but I can't help but to wonder . Curiosity is going to be the death of me .

He wants to just "play around."

It sounds ludicrous , ridiculous & absurd and yet exactly what my body has been wanting . I fight the urge to text him and tell him to come get me . Take me somewhere I've never been , do something I've never done. I can be the girl who just has fun , right? It's just fun .. What's the harm ? I know the dangers , the consequences and for once I don't give a damn. It could be the 1:40am that's getting to me . It could be the 24 years of waiting . I just want to feel something. Just once. I want to be held so tight it takes away the pain , be kissed so deep I forget my name . I don't want love . I want to be numb .

-Taj